Are video games destroying their brain?

When you see someone you care about locked into a screen hour after hour, day after day, it’s only right to be concerned. Maybe you’ve heard about some of the dangers like gaming addiction or how it affects their thinking patterns and mental health, and it has made you want to pull the plug entirely.

But, whenever you confront them, it turns into an argument, an angry withdrawal, or a dismissive, “You wouldn’t understand.”

Let me start with this: Your concern is valid and comes from a place of deep care. It makes sense that you’d want to know what’s going on with them, and you are right to ask important questions about their health, influences, and future.

Modern games are way more than “bleep-bloop” machines

If you’re my age then when you think of video games the first thing that comes to mind is a little two dimensional character bleep-blooping around a maze, climbing ladders, or squashing turtles. Video games have come a long way since then.

Today, many are multi-million dollar cinematic experiences featuring orchestral scores, professional voice acting, and engaging stories.

Epic Stories: Narrative-driven games like Breath of the Wild or Uncharted drop you into sprawling worlds where you solve problems, manage resources, build relationships, grow in strength and influence, and sometimes even save the world. You’re not just watching Star Wars; you are Luke Skywalker.

Competitive Sports: Titles like Valorant, Overwatch, or Rocket League are adrenaline pumping and highly competitive. They require split-second reflexes, intense team communication, and staying cool under pressure.

Creative Sandboxes: Games like Minecraft and No Man’s Sky drop you into a world with no set rules and require you to just figure it out. These digital worlds are so complex that people use them to learn coding, architecture, engineering, and design.

Virtual Society: Massively Multiplayer Online Role-Playing Games (MMORPG) like World of Warcraft, Final Fantasy XIV, or EVE Online host thousands of players in a single, shared universe. It’s less like a game and more like a functioning digital civilization. Players form political alliances, manage complex economies, and wage coordinated wars over territory that require genuine leadership, logistics, and teamwork to win.

Are you starting to see why someone would want to spend so much time playing?

Three invisible needs their gaming is feeding

For those who play for hours at a time to the exclusion of other activities, there’s often something deeper going on. The game is fulfilling deep-seated needs that might not be met elsewhere in their lives.

• Achievement and PurposeReal life can be hard to figure out and progress at school or work can feel painfully slow or even pointless. Video games offer clear progression, achievements, and a chart to show what they’ve learned and how they need to grow. They always know what level they are, what quest is next, and are instantly rewarded for putting in the effort.
• Control and AgencyMany people feel like passengers in their own lives, subjected to rules they cannot influence. In a game, they are the driver. Their choices dictate the outcome. They see immediate consequences, choose their own destiny, and take risks in a safe environment where failure doesn’t mean financial or real-life consequences.
• Belonging and CommunityThe game is a common touch point where they can build real relationships. Multiplayer games build teamwork and players feel needed and desired because their team literally cannot succeed if they don’t show up and play their specific role.

What if they’re not just wasting time, but are experiencing some of the best parts of life in game?

Reality check: risks and warning signs

It’s not all positive, but let’s debunk the biggest myth first: decades of study by the American Psychological Association show no evidence linking violent video games to violent behavior. In fact, National Institutes of Health studies show gaming can actually improve impulse control and working memory.

However, there are real dangers to watch for:

• Escapism: Using the digital world to run from real life, numb pain, or avoid building real-world resilience. Playing as a hobby is healthy but, like anything (alcohol, exercise, work, etc.), it’s unhealthy if you’re using it to avoid the real world.
• Predatory “Gacha” & Loot Boxes: Many mobile and live-service games use literal casino algorithms to keep players paying real money for a random chance to unlock a powerful character or item, triggering the same dopamine loop as a slot machine. Many countries around the world have actually made laws against this. Spending a few disposable dollars here and there because it’s a fun hobby isn’t much different from a model builder buying a cool paint colour or a baseball player getting a fancy new bat. It’s a healthy part of the fun. But out of control spending is important to watch for.
• The Game Becomes a Job: There are some games that punish players for not logging in every single day, shifting the game from a fun activity to an exhausting psychological obligation driven by the fear of missing out. Practicing to get better and playing extra during big game events is healthy, but if they are anxious to the point of becoming frustrated and angry if they can’t play, it’s something to be concerned about. Especially if their sense of self-worth is so tied to their rank or game level that missing something makes them feel devastated.

Spotting the difference

Your next step: the relational approach

When a caregiver panics, the instinct is to grab the power cord. But unplugging the PC or taking away the console might be the worst thing you can do.

Because your gamer is meeting real psychological needs, cutting it off abruptly doesn’t cure anything. It isolates them, breeds resentment, and removes their primary coping mechanism without offering a replacement.

Instead, step into their world. Next time they’re playing, sit down next to them, wait for a break in the action, and ask a genuinely curious, non-confrontational question:

• “This looks interesting. What is the story about in this one? Who are you playing as?”
• “You spend a lot of time playing this, so it must be interesting. Can you explain what you’re doing and what the game is about? I want to learn.”
• “You put a lot of hard work into this game. What’s the most rewarding part of it for you?”
• “I’ve heard that different players have different roles. When you play with your friends, what role do you usually take and why is it important?”

As they talk, try to understand why it’s important or enjoyable to them and listen for the core needs of achievement, agency, and belonging. Once you understand more, you’ll be better equipped to see if it’s a healthy but intense interest, or an actual problem. And, if it’s a problem, those discussions will help you begin a collaborative conversation about boundaries.

The goal isn’t to destroy their connection to gaming; it’s to learn about them and help them build an offline life that offers those same vital experiences.